_ Being a caregiver can be rewarding: you have control of the quality of care your loved one receives; there is no separation anxiety and you can take comfort that your loved one is safe and in a familiar environment.
But being a caregiver can be a hard, grueling, sometimes feeling like a thankless process! When you first started providing care, you did it out of love and compassion for someone that is a vital part of your life. Over time though, the difficulties of providing care can take a toll, challenging both your love for your patient and vice-versa.
Here are some of the more common traps that caregivers, and receivers, find themselves in. Having open, frank discussions between you as a caregiver, your loved one and your medical team can mitigate these traps.
Doing it all
Caregivers sometimes believe they’re the only ones who can do the job right. They may try using paid or unpaid caregivers but if things don’t go well come to the conclusion that no one can do the job as well as they can or that it’s simply too much of a hassle. The person being cared for can perpetuate this by complaining when there’s a substitute caregiver or refusing their help.
Hint:Do use your network of friends and family to help with the caregiving tasks. It will provide variety for both you and your loved one, not to mention lightening your own load so that you don't feel that providing care is a burden. After you "train" your caregivers you and your loved one will be able to trust that the care provided is consistent and proper.
Isolation
Caring for someone can be so exhausting that making the effort to do things socially doesn’t seem worth it. Depending on the physical or mental issues your loved one is dealing with, they may also not want to go out. Over time it can just seem easier for both you to stay home.
Hint:Get out! Just a little time out for you gives you a chance to recharge your own batteries. Going out with your loved one is a chance to change the scenery, can be refreshing for both of you to get away from the home healthcare environment.
Not reevaluating when care needs increase
If the needs of your loved one increase, you may not always recognize or admit these needs have become too much for you to handle. Changes can be gradual and subtle so you keep taking on more and more without really realizing what’s happening. Unfortunately being overwhelmed can lead to playing the "blaming game".
Hint: Make a list of all the things that you do as a caregiver. Make sure the list stays current, adding new tasks as they come up and removing tasks as they no longer need to be performed. Share the tasks that others might be able to help you with. Your friends and family may really want to help and you should let them. If you don't have people that can help you out, check with your med team social worker to find what help you may be able to hire someone to do on a periodic basis. Just having someone to pick up supplies at the store can help you out tremendously.
Misplaced blame
Both you and your loved one may focus your negative feelings onto each other because of your own unhappiness with the situation. You may feel unappreciated and your loved one may resent you because he or she has to rely on you.
Hint: Always try to keep communication open and honest. There is no benefit of casting blame when dealing with a serious illness. Don't let negative emotions fester, they'll just get worse. Expressing positive emotions always brightens the day.
Here are a few actions that may provoke negative emotions that a caregiver may find themselves falling into with their loved ones:
Treating your loved one like a child (unless they are one!)
FEAR--(Forget Everything And Run)
Asking your loved one "How are you?" too much or too little